Dear diary + Help

• Sometimes I wonder if I was ever wanted anywhere…or if I was just tolerated..for political reasons, for money, for control, for power. I don’t want to look back at my life seeing it from someone else’s VIEW. I want my own view..my own life. I want ownership over my future. Is that even a possibility at this point?

• Nicole

• When I hit that mama deer I noticed later that week there was a baby deer in front of her. She probably went after her baby. There is no reason for me to stay here if my son is not safe…Killing is allowed but not saving? I will stay if and only if he is given a chance at life at SL1. If not, I am moving back to TX. 2 people have already told me I could have jobs if it doesn’t work out here. Sure, you probably own those businesses too. I just want you to know I believe I have options. You can get a 2 for 1 special or I am going back home. Home to some of the best memories and the worst memories of my life. UT is beautiful but I am not going to live in a meat grinder. Deer meat or any other kind of meat. We, the people in the very center of your systems, deserve to feel safe and protected..in real life..not just in movies.

• Should I use H’s pro number or is he being forced to say that?

• Why aren’t realtors following up with me? Are they trying to tell me I can’t leave? What about living in a free country? Does that not apply to me?

• https://youtu.be/ob-jS7bqYgI

• Or the inside looking out..same difference.

• I guess if we are so different from them it is easier to dismiss us. They won’t have to change if we remain the other on the outside looking in.

• Another day another warning…about what? I do not know. The most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is when she decides to leave. Even if I can never really leave there is something wrong right now. Like a deer she may sense danger even though she does not know what it is…story of my life. I don’t want it to be the story of my life. That is the problem.

• Yes