Tiny kernals of truth are mixed in with their delusional shows so no one knows what to believe. Confusion leads to chaos and chaos can be controlled…by certain people. I try to switch lawn chairs on the Titanic, thinking I can change my view, but it is still going down…no matter what I do. I did not love the right people in this world. I didn’t love their actors the way I should have. Politics and power for some trumps human decency and respect…so they make us not human. That justifies their actions. It is just politics, just a game, we win, you lose. That’s just the way it is..my dad said that song reminded him of me. That used to be me, but not anymore. Some women are happy being alone. I was never one of those women. But I can’t be with someone I don’t love. With love there has to be trust and I no longer trust anyone anymore. I cannot start with someone new as I do not know who his puppetmaster is. There is always a puppetmaster otherwise they are not allowed in. We are not free. I never will be free. I guess I just have to accept I will never have what others have. I will always be alone. That is so very difficult as I have brief memories of being happy with certain people. I was truly happy for a few minutes. Acceptance is such a difficult concept for me, but if I don’t learn to accept my circumstances I will never survive them.