It is difficult to be an example for your children when your hope has been depleted. It is difficult when you feel surrounded by others who only support their team..who appear bought and paid for. I would give anything to have a normal life. If God can hear me Why God? Why? Why can’t I be like everyone else? Why am I always alone? I knew after 2011 what it was like to be alone romantically but I still had hope. No hope anymore. It hurts even more knowing my friends weren’t really my friends…losing a different kind of love overnight again and again. Nothing feels real anymore. What am I showing my children? How to survive? Is that all I am capable of? They lost respect and trust in me after Cypress Creek when all I was trying to do was protect them. That was all I was trying to do. Not only have I lost faith in individuals I have lost faith in medical institutions, protective agencies, and the judicial system. Quite a blow. I know I don’t see the big picture. You won’t show it to me. It is how I felt since 2011. When someone has a cure for a disease but they won’t give it to you because there is too much money involved for them and their causes how are you supposed to feel about that person? Those people? You say you help, but do you really? Or is everything for show 24/7?
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