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On one of my AI directed calls today..one of the robotic voices said something that imitated human emotion..like sorry or something..I forgot exactly what it was. I just remember it irritated me.
The problem has always been that the duplicate’s lives were always considered so much more important than the originals lives.
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Had a dream I worked for cps in colorado. It was so different..high tech..fast paced. When I woke up I thought about other’s experiences compared to mine. You were brought up with a different set of rules than I was. You were conditioned to think about the world and people like me in a different way. I don’t think I can change that. I just wish you would stop killing people I connect with. Feel like an object not a person.
we didn’t start the fire…
Billy Joel state of mind
I know it is not everyone. It is mostly those at the top who think they can clone you..that you are so easily replaced by some upgraded version who does and says exactly what they need them to do or say. What they do not understand is that each individual has a unique soul. You cannot clone a human soul. Their sacrifices were not in vain. All I want is this world to feel more natural again.Everything feels so impersonal and manufactured.Relationships are what matter in life. When they are gone or taken away they are gone. But I still have the memory of their souls..sometimes I grieve..even when I don’t really know who anyone is or was.
The most dangerous time for a woman in an abusive relationship is the time when she decides to leave. Now imagine if the person who sees you as their partner has the full force and power of certain agencies behind him or her. That is why I feel there is no respite or escape…even in “sanctuary” cities. Certain people call ohers monsters so they never confront the monster within themselves. I am always on guard…wondering what they are going to do next…hurt another animal, hunt another human, embarrass my children, hurt my children, make it so I can’t sell my place (they have the money..I don’t)..make my car break down. I never know. This has nothing to do with lpve, or concern, or worry and everything to do with control. If they can’t control you anymore they attempt to control your image. I committed the heinous act of wanting to separate..wanting to be free. I know they want me to believe that is not possible..I could not survive without them the “protectors.” They kill off people who try to help me. Close your eyes for a second..imagine 5 of the people closest to you not being who they said they were…losing them overnight and having everyone accept it. That is just how the world is. Forget it psychologically shattered me. We have a therapist and a pill to treat that. But don’t you dare talk about how the environment affects you…no one wants to hear it. This is the way the world has always been. Target practice of other humans who do not accept our world view is fine. God..I cannot accept this. I think about the serenity prayer..please give me the courage to change what I can. Please guard my children. Please help me to find the good in this world again.
There is a difference between being cared for and cared about. It would be great to have both, but if I had to choose between the two I would pick being cared about.
it is where my intuition is telling me to go. I just want to feel safe although I know nowhere is really safe.
It’s 90%+ jacksonville at this point.
ptsd sucks
had a nightmare too bad to even talk about.
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