Dear diary + Help

• Occasionally I wish I had someone who was a lot stronger than I am hold me so I could stop attempting to jump out of my skin at times.

• How in the world did you think I would care about who is “married to” or lusting after who when I discovered my kids lives were in danger? Why would you think you being famous was more important than that?

• Not trying to be dramatic…but don’t know how else to be. Wish I was free and had normal conversations that didn’t involve acting again..want to be like everyone else. Please God let me be like everyone else. One of many. Connected yet invisible again.

• Dear Diary, Your voice doesn’t matter…SAT…your fighting didn’t matter…back then…only our voices (the smart people) and narratives count…count to 10…SAT…You trying to help them didn’t matter…Iraq…SAT…our images of ourselves…You said you cheated on the SATs…hungover and looking at Laura Clum’s scantron..doesn’t matter. When you tried to make it right and get an education the right way…We bombed you…into oblivion..No safe place..only in movies…tale as old as tiiiimmmeee…We control…we control. We are smarter and better than you… chicken…SAT..SAT..SAT…Microscope..magnifying glass…even the bravest ant would succumb to the pressure…the heat…Die already. Because our images of ourselves will not be destroyed..We will injure you, repair you, then injure you again. Be careful or you will end up like the deer…bow down to your master…no. Even if it kills me. Even if I am always alone looking out of the mirror instead of into it.

• One of my worst fears: the people solving the problems are the same people who caused them in the first place. No escape.

• Tale as old as tiiiimmmee…🎵

• What if there are no more stories to be told in real life? Can I learn to live peacefully with that fact? I don’t believe I will fall apart anymore, but will I still be able to experience joy knowing what I know? Not having anyone to share my confusion and knowledge with. Not really having anyone in real life.. That is why I post here. To connect however I can. But how do I not feel trapped? How do I stop wanting to escape the Matrix? How do I accept this situation? I used to feel I had ownership over my life. I used to believe others had free will. You have free will within the Matrix at times, but you can never leave the matrix, the box, you were placed in. https://youtu.be/o8pQLtHTPaI?si=9SRQIspAmVV9JaGE

• Thank you to all the people who warn people (like me) who cannot truly see or hear what is going on before it happens. I sense it like a deer in headlights, but I don’t see the danger..I wish there didn’t have to be any warnings at all, but that is not the world I grew up in..Anyway, thank you..even if I dont know who you are. You didn’t have to help me. You were/are unselfish enough to help rather than hurt. It means more than I can express. …Bambi.

• You are the ones who created sides. I never wanted to be on a side.

• CHINA CIA HN A Blood