Dear diary + Help

• Today I am mostly upset because you won’t let people talk to me directly. It feels like you don’t want them to influence my decisions. Other people try to help but it is all indirectly. It is not that I don’t appreciate their help, but why can’t I talk to anyone directly? I guess you don’t want your economy to be hurt, but what about our lives? Our welfare? Our economy? Why can’t I make an informed decision about my future? Why is it always tied in to your future? I am just sad. I don’t understand. If it was a situation that I didn’t understand, but I thought you were working in the best interests of myself and my children that would be one thing. But it doesn’t feel like that. Lying about someone, saying they are a daily drinker, etc. when they hardly drink at all is just evil. Why do you behave like this? It is a fun house of mirrors 24/7, but nothing is funny. I want to escape, but feel I can’t. Then I worry that you will kill off anyone who tries to help me if his help is not aligned with your money interests…I don’t want to have to worry about that. I just want to live my life. You have not been honest with the world. What am I not understanding?

• How can I be positive when everything/everyone is controlled? What is this? Art i f iCia l. Lies. What are you trying to show me? I know the govt lies. What can I do about it? They pretend to be your friend. They pretend to understand and listen, but they don’t. They just gather information to use against you. They pretend your voice, your information is getting out, but then twist it to present the image of themselves they want the world to see. I live in a world of mirages. Imagery. Nothing feels real anymore and no one seems to care about that part of the equation…I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel people have failed me. All I have left is the invisible. You win. But just because you have your religion doesn’t mean you can force me to believe in it.

• Everyone I have ever loved belonged to someone else. No one in my life was just mine.

• There can be no true happiness if there is no free will…if everything is controlled by the government or some movie studio. Freedom feels like an illusion to me…everyone feels owned. Freedom feels like a million miles away. And I don’t think it exists there either.

• Radio A Flyer(s)

• so confused who everyone is or was. Ow. Ouch.

• mustard

• der

• red

• jails inside and outside of ourselves.